


Maybi

by Burgie



Series: Cen's Poly Pile AU [5]
Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Multi, tw internalised homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Scott discovers something about himself, and he's not sure how he feels about this. Rebecca belongs to Centeris2.





	Maybi

It had taken Scott a while, at first, to get used to the orgies. Of course, the idea of orgies had used to thrill him, being full of sensual caresses and plenty of women with holes ripe for the fucking. With Rebecca, though… well, there were only two girls involved sometimes. The rest was just too many penises for Scott to handle. And sometimes Justin got a little handsy.

Scott surprised himself, the first time he woke up from a wet dream about that other man. He raked his hands through his short brown hair, panting, staring down at the noticeable tent in his pyjama bottoms. Fuck. He’d just gotten turned on from a fucking guy. The fuck was wrong with him? Maybe his dad was right, maybe other sexualities were ‘catching’, maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to be a part of this hippie commune love pile. Much as he loved it.

Quickly heading to the bathroom, Scott took care of his ‘little’ problem, trying to think about Rebecca, Anna, hell, even fucking Louisa. Being off-limits only made her more attractive, after all. But the dream followed him, and he couldn’t quite rid himself of the image of cumming all over the Moorland boy’s face. Hell, Justin would probably like it, too.

The problem dealt with (and the mess cleaned up), Scott returned to bed, where his dreams were not ones that he remembered.

As soon as he got up the next morning, though, Scott grabbed Atlas from the Great Thunder where he usually spent his days now. The horse enjoyed grazing in the sunflower field or the flax field, and Scott usually let it. After all, these weren’t his fields, and Atlas technically wasn’t his horse. But he mounted the steed anyway and rode away over the land, headed towards Mistfall where his lady love and her other lovers liked to congregate in a cabin that was hidden in plain sight.

“Rebecca, you here?” Scott called as he knocked on the cabin’s door. He’d only needed three shoes thrown at him before he’d learned that lesson, and a very irate singer-slash-guitarist yelling at him.

“Yeah, come in!” Rebecca called. Scott let out a sigh of relief as he pushed the door open, entering the cabin that he’d come to know so well. He had to admit, this was a great deal better than hooking up in Rebecca’s stable where he swore the horses watched them or at least took notes. But today didn’t seem like it’d be a hookup day, much to Scott’s slight displeasure. Rebecca had a heat pack resting across her abdomen as she sat slouched at the table eating ice cream straight out of the punnet.

“Glad you’re here,” said Scott, closing the door behind him. “You, uh… up for a serious chat?”

“About what?” asked Rebecca, licking the spoon. Scott looked away from it, blushing, as Rebecca ate another spoonful of ice cream.

“Well, it’s kinda delicate,” said Scott, taking his hat off and running his hand through his hair. Rebecca nodded and stood up before walking over to the bed, where she sat down and patted the bed next to her. She sucked on the spoon in her mouth while Scott walked over to sit beside her.

“Tell me all about it,” said Rebecca, taking the spoon out of her mouth. “I’m all ears, but if I suddenly burst into tears, you know why.”

“Yeah, I got it,” said Scott, nodding. According to Rebecca, real men didn’t kick up a fuss about periods, so he’d slowly come to terms with it. At least she wasn’t waving around tampons or shit like that.

“I’m havin’ a bit of a crisis,” said Scott. Rebecca nodded, sucking on her spoon again.

“Go on,” said Rebecca after taking the spoon out of her mouth.

“Well, y’see… I had a dream last night about… Justin,” said Scott, feeling as though he were dragging the words out of his mouth. His blush told Rebecca the contents of the dream.

“Oh,” said Rebecca, digging her spoon into the ice cream. “I see.”

“Yeah,” said Scott, rubbing the back of his neck. His face felt like it was on fire, he felt so damn stupid. So dirty. “But like… I’m not a fucking fag.” Immediately, Rebecca smacked him on the end of the nose with her spoon. “Ow!” His hands went up to rub it. “What the fuck?”

“In this house, and by house I mean relationship, we don’t use homophobic language,” said Rebecca. “But I’ll give you a free pass, just this once, because you’re clearly dealing with a lot of internalised homophobia at the moment.”

“Well then, I’m not… gay,” said Scott. Rebecca nodded, urging him to continue as she ate more ice cream. “And yet… I popped a fucking boner over him, hell, I’m still blushing like a fucking school girl.”

“Hmm,” Rebecca hummed around the spoon in her mouth. She crossed her legs, still keeping the heat pad pressed to her stomach. “Well, that’s okay. It’s only natural, really, in this kind of a relationship. Especially with what we do.”

“Well, it doesn’t feel natural to me!” said Scott. “It feels wrong. I’m not… I don’t like guys in that way.”

“It’s okay if you do,” said Rebecca. “And I know that Justin won’t mind if you do like him.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” said Scott. “I just dunno if it’s just from the orgies or what.”

“Have a think about it,” said Rebecca.”It’ll be a while before the next one anyway, but in the meantime, I’m completely fine with you two experimenting. Just as long as Justin knows that you are experimenting. Don’t lead him on. And don’t do anything if it makes you too uncomfortable. Take it slow, at your own pace. Which is probably pretty shitty advice for you, come to think of it. And always make sure that Justin is happy with what’s happening. Do you want me to talk to him about it?”

“Not just yet,” said Scott. A part of him recoiled violently at the very idea that he might like men, while the other part… was curious. The other part was still very small, though, and easily overshadowed by the fear. But it was still there. “I’ll let you know when you can tell him. But thanks.” He leaned in, giving her a gentle and grateful kiss on the lips. “You’ve got no idea how much this means to me.” Rebecca returned the kiss, patting his knee.

“And, for the love of Aideen, don’t tell anyone who you know is homophobic,” said Rebecca. “Trust me.”

“Wasn’t gonna, trust me,” said Scott, recoiling just at the very idea. He felt sick, though he wasn’t sure if it was just the nerves. He’d spent his whole life fucking girls, dating them, hitting on them. He’d never been into a guy. But then… he’d never even considered being attracted to men. Not until he’d met Rebecca and entered her love shack, so to speak.

On the way back to New Hillcrest, Scott glanced at the men that he passed. None of them seemed particularly attractive, hell, most of them were ugly. He’d heard that a lot of people swooned over the Jorvik Ranger Alonso, but he didn’t want to turn around and ride back there. That’d make him look desperate. Although, he did remember that there had been a bit of buzz recently about Ydris’ new appearance. He decided to swing by the circus up on Nilmer’s Highland, since it was on his way.

There he was, the magician who had cast some kind of love spell over half of the population of Jorvik, only some men and women being immune. Scott stopped Atlas a little ways away and looked over at the wizard, dreading what might happen. When he saw him, saw those eyes and that smile and those dimples, Scott felt his heart sink. Oh no.

For the next few days, Scott experimented. He tried thinking of every guy he saw (aside from family) with their clothes off. He wondered what colour their pubic hair was, if they waxed, how built they were, what their cocks looked like. And sometimes, thinking of this, he found himself becoming turned on. When he watched porn, he tried focusing on the guys. He even watched some gay porn, and some solo guy porn. His rock-hard cock in his hand delivered him the hard news almost every time. Ah, fuck.

Finally, Scott couldn’t take it anymore. He popped a boner thinking about fictional men, and watching pornstars, but… what if it was a real guy?

Grabbing his phone, a box of condoms, and Atlas, Scott rode a safe distance away, all the way onto South Hoof, and found the number that he was searching for in his phone. Taking a shaky breath, he pressed the ‘dial’ key.

“Scott? Hey, what a surprise!” came Justin’s cheery voice through the phone. Scott trembled, hoping that Justin couldn’t hear the pounding of his heart.

“Hey,” said Scott, his voice unusually tense. “Can you, um. Meet me at the Bangalow?” God, he hoped it was empty.

“Yeah, sure,” said Justin. “I think it’s empty today, actually, I saw Louisa here at the hermit’s not long ago. Wait, here she is now, I’ll ask.” Scott couldn’t find the words to respond before Justin’s muffled voice could be heard calling out for Louisa. When he returned, he sounded brighter. “Good news! It’s completely empty today.”

“Great,” said Scott, his mouth dry. His palms were sweating, he could feel it. What a fucking girl. “I’ll meet you there.” God, he hoped he could catch the ferry across before Justin.

Fortunately, Scott managed to catch the ferry with no Justin in sight. He let out a breath of relief as the shoreline of South Hoof receded behind the ferry. So he’d have at least a few minutes to get ready.

Justin arrived to the cabin a lot sooner than Scott had expected. Scott looked up in shock when the door closed, though he hadn’t been doing anything bad. Just sitting there, waiting. Fretting.

“Hey,” said Justin, grinning. “You look paler than usual, what’s up?”

“I think I’m bi,” said Scott before he could stop himself. Immediately, he felt his throat seize up. Why the fuck had he said that? But, to his relief, Justin didn’t look too excited. A little surprised, definitely.

“Oh, okay,” said Justin. How the fuck was everyone here so fine with this? If Scott’s father knew, hell, if Junior knew, he’d be shamed, beaten, publicly humiliated. “Is that why you brought me here? Because I know you think that sex will solve all your problems but it might just complicate things further.”

“Oh, trust me, I’ve thought about it,” said Scott, pacing the floor of the cabin. “Long and hard. I’ve experimented with porn, with thoughts. Now I just need one more thing to make absolutely sure.”

“But are you sure about this?” asked Justin, though Scott noticed that Justin closed the door and locked it behind him. Scott nodded.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” said Scott. “Let’s just get this over with.” But Justin shook his head, sending Scott’s plans crashing down around him. He stood there, stunned. “No? The fuck do you mean, no? I know you’re into me, I’ve seen you looking.”

“Look, anal is a big step,” said Justin. “Especially to someone like you, who’s surrounded by so much homophobia, both internally and externally. Why don’t we start with something simpler?”

“What, like a blowjob? A handy?” asked Scott. Justin shook his head and, stepping forward, kissed him. For a moment, Scott couldn’t move. His first instinct was to push Justin away, but he knew now that that was his head talking. His heart told him to tentatively kiss back. 

It wasn’t like kissing a girl. Justin’s mouth was a man’s mouth, with no gloss or lipstick or chapstick to make things smoother. His lips were wind-worn, his tongue slightly larger, his jaw broader.

“Well?” asked Justin when he pulled away. Scott didn’t want to talk, he wanted to kiss again, he wanted to fuck. He’d only been thinking about this all day.

“I didn’t hate it,” said Scott. “Fuck, I really am a-“ He cut himself off, not wanting Justin to deck him.

“It’s okay,” said Justin. “Take your time.”

“Can we move to the next step now?” asked Scott, looking down at the bulge already in his jeans. He’d been hard since the ferry.

“Are you sure?” asked Justin. Scott nodded, though he still trembled. Justin put a hand on Scott’s shoulder, trying to calm him. “Come on, let’s go over to the bed.”

“Fuck, finally,” said Scott. He couldn’t seem to stop trembling, and his knees almost buckled when he finally sat down on the bed.

“But we’re not doing anal today,” said Justin.

“And why the fuck not?” asked Scott.

“Because your internalised homophobia can use penetration against you worse than anything else,” said Justin. “And it requires relaxation, which you are… you’re tense.”

“Fuck you, I’m not scared,” said Scott.

“Fear isn’t a sign of weakness,” said Justin. “Which is a bit pointless to say to a Buttergood, but it’s true.” Scott snorted, folding his arms over his chest and looking away. But he looked back at Justin when he felt hands on his belt.

“Put a cock in it,” said Scott, his heart still thumping double-time. But he definitely felt a thrill of excitement when Justin managed to unzip him and pull his cock out. A part of him was proud of the look of awe on Justin’s face, while another part of him told him how much of a filthy fag he was for allowing another man to hold his cock.

But when Justin gave him a few pumps while rolling the condom on, Scott gasped at the sensation. He tried to tell himself that it was just like when a girl jacked him off, tried to imagine that it was a girl. Even though Justin’s hand was roughened from work. And then there was that mouth, and that tongue, and Scott couldn’t deny any longer that a guy was sucking his cock. And that he was enjoying it.

If nothing else, at least Justin was good at sucking cock. He seemed to know exactly how to bob his head, exactly how much pressure to apply, exactly when to take Scott’s cock deeper and when to flick his tongue against the tip. Scott leaned back, moaning, clutching the sheets and trying to ignore the voice telling him to feel revolted, disgusting, ashamed. He shouldn’t be doing this, it was wrong, and yet, he wasn’t pulling away. He didn’t want to pull away. He even curled his fingers in Justin’s hair, ignoring the oily texture, just wanting more of his tongue, his mouth, the suction.

“Ah, fuck,” Scott maned, bucking his hips up, thrusting into Justin’s mouth. Justin didn’t choke, which gave him more pleasure than he expected. A part of him wondered how Justin had learned this, who he could go to for the best fucking blwojob of his life.

But those thoughts faded when he came, and with the release of his cum and energy, Scott felt the revulsion hit him full-on. Justin noticed, immediately switching back to caring mode as he rolled the condom off, tied it off and left it in the bin by the bed.

“Whatever you’re feeling right now other than the afterglow isn’t true,” said Justin, sitting on the bed beside Scott but not touching him. Scott was glad. In this state, he’d either push Justin away or punch him, or it would only make the feelings worse.

“It’s just like getting a blowjob from a girl,” Scott muttered into his hands. “Not gay. Not gay. Not gay.”

“Of course you’re not gay,” said Justin. “Maybe you’re bi or pan or something. But you’re not gay because you like girls.” Scott trembled.

“Not gay,” Scott repeated again. “I’m not gay, even though I fucking loved that and wouldn’t mind it happening again. What the fuck is wrong with me?” Hell, he was even crying over this.

“Nothing,” said Justin. “Nothing is wrong with you, Scott. It might take you a while to accept this but you’re valid, you’re loved, we all still care about you. To us, nothing has changed. You’re still the same person you always were.”

“Even though I’d suck dick now if someone asked?” said Scott.

“In our relationship, that’s considered polite,” said Justin. “But don’t feel pressured to do anything right away.”

“Hell, after this, I dunno if I can,” said Scott. “I feel fucking wrong.”

“You’re not,” said Justin. “Do you want me to leave or call someone?”

“Becca,” Scott mumbled. “You don’t have to leave even though I’m being a dickhead. You gave me the best fucking blowjob of my life and now I’m freaking out.”

“It’s okay, I was expecting it,” said Justin. “This is why I didn’t want to do anal right away. I’ll call Rebecca and stay until she gets here. Just try to calm down, have some water or something.”

Scott stayed where he was on the bed, his pants still around his ankles, his flaccid cock still hanging outside of his pants. He hugged himself, trembling. He felt sick to his stomach. He accepted the water that Justin brought him, even though the kind gesture created butterflies that almost made him throw up.

He was still sitting there like that when Rebecca arrived.

“Hey,” said Rebecca, gently touching his shoulder. Scott looked up at her, her face blurry.

“I’m a fucking faggot,” said Scott. This time, though, Rebecca didn’t smack him. Instead, she tucked him back inside his pants, zipped him up, and rubbed his back.

“It’s okay,” said Rebecca. “Just take deep breaths. You’ll be fine, you can stay here the night.”

“You warned me not to move too fast,” said Scott after a long period of sitting and shaking with Rebecca’s arm around him.

“Justin told me,” said Rebecca. “You jumped in feet-first, huh?” Scott nodded.

“I just needed to prove it to myself,” said Scott, clenching his hand into a fist. “And I did.”

“I’m just glad you chose Justin,” said Rebecca. “He can’t exactly relate, his family situation is far different from yours, but any other guy wouldn’t have gone slow and stayed with you.” 

“I’m glad he did,” said Scott after taking a swig of the water that he still clutched. “He’s too good a guy for the likes of me. Too good to experiment on. Fuck, I’m such an asshole.”

“Shh,” Rebecca hushed him, pulling him into a warm embrace. Scott clung to her. “It’s okay. Justin doesn’t hold it against you. He’ll still be willing to talk to you when you’re ready.”

“And more?” asked Scott, looking at her. “What if I wanted another blowjob?.

“Give it time before the next one,” said Rebecca. “I don’t know if your heart can take another bi freakout so soon.”

“Okay,” said Scott, taking a shaky breath. “I’ll wait. Thanks, Becca. For not hittin’ me when I said that word.”

“Only a true asshole kicks someone when they’re already down,” said Rebecca. “What you need right now is comfort and companionship. And wouldn’t you know it, you’ve got an entire group of people willing to give you just that.” Scott nodded, allowing himself to find comfort in Rebecca’s arms. Even as his mind continued to scream at him that he was wrong, that what he’d just done was wrong, that he’d sacrificed his masculinity for the sake of a blowjob.


End file.
